I have failed before, and today I have failed once again.
I am writing all this further because I want that you people should not make the mistakes which I have done and secondly my purpose of writing this blog is that I cannot speak my words to anyone but I want to tell that’s why I am writing all this.

Although I never give up, I am a human being, sometimes the thought of giving up comes to my mind. By the way, after trying a lot, I have convinced myself that not to give up, now it remains to be seen how long I can keep this in mind.

One thing to think about is that when I face many difficulties, those whom I trust and the people who trust me a lot, they all leave me. People come to me only when I do everything right, I have money, the name, and everything.

Somebody told me that if you do it once it is a mistake and if you do it a second time you do it intentionally. Maybe I did it intentionally too. And now I will not do all this. But what has happened now has to be rectified. I don’t know whether it will be all right or not but I will try it.

What was my first and second mistake?

From what you read above, you must have come to know that my first and second mistakes were the same.

My mistake was that I used to trust anyone too soon.
For the first time I had trusted a girl, the second time I trusted the same girl, but this time I had trusted that girl as well as some other people.

A few days back, I had left Taczclub which was my company due to a trust breakdown.

checkout => taczclub to whitecodel

Some people told me that brother, you started talking to the same girl again. He was right but he didn’t know why I talked to her. I didn’t talk to her but 29 September was her birthday some of her messages were lying long ago but I didn’t reply to her but that day I did one of his messages replied.

She forced me to talk to her on-call but I didn’t agree to the call. But now she said today is my birthday please call me I melt and talk like this on-call. She asked me if we can make earlier Kind of back but I refused and asked her what would you have done if you were in my place? She said that I give second chance, the mistake is made by a person.

I thought for a while and told her, let’s move on from the mistake that happened earlier.

I want to tell the truth, She left me last time as nothing had happened. She said it’s all over.
I can’t tell the whole thing but I had to convince her a lot please don’t do this, I cried a lot. But she did not listen, I was very broken from inside, but she did not listen.

I went into a lot of depression, I could neither work nor study for a whole year. I had done something right now so much then she came again into my life. And now she got engaged on December 1 and by January she will probably get married too. This time too I persuaded her a lot but she did not agree this time also.

She told my friend, I had forbidden him to get married because the family would not agree and said Don’t make any phone calls till the engagement, my mind got spoiled after hearing this. How could she say that?

Yes, She had forbidden the marriage would not happen, but she had also said that we should convince the family members. She kept on talking, I talk at home but she herself neither talked nor let me do.

After the engagement, I talked to her brother, then it came to know that I understood from him that she was passing time with me.

Something else was going on here, She felt that we were burning with her marriage.
Because he told his brother that you are jealous, I am getting married. How can she say that?

Financial and education problem

Because of all this, I went back into depression.
And I did not work at all for a month, so I got a loan of 2 lakhs, out of which I have paid 1 lakh, but still one lakh is left.

Dec 6 was the last date. On that day my sister was to be admitted to Jaipur College. But I could not get her admission.

I do not know how I will be able to do all this and my exams have also come in January and I did not even study nor am I studying. I had left college once before, maybe I will leave this time too.

I am just trying that everything will be fine. But the memories cannot be erased, I wish all of them would have been deleted as soon as I hit the delete button like a computer.

Physical problem

The last time She did this, I had also dropped out of college. I had wasted a lot of money on my family members in my studies. That’s why I didn’t want their money to be wasted and I had also lost my self-confidence, so I left the house and went for 7-8 days without eating anything.

Later mother started crying, she could not be seen by me, and I came back home. As soon as I came home, I was not in a condition to speak, so everyone took me to the hospital, there I got 3 drips.

And even today since everything happened, I drink only alcohol for 3 days without eating food and anything else.

And the biggest thing is that everyone knew how much pain I was in. But it doesn’t matter to her.
Now I drink beer. I do smoking I work and sleep.

Secrets which she think i don’t know

I just got to know a few things. She thinks he doesn’t know. The mind does a lot to ask for answers to these questions, but what is the use, even after doing all this, I will hurt myself.

If I want, I can write all these secrets, but someone trusted and told those things and I do not want to break anyone’s trust.

I hate girls

You would think that doing wrong for one girl does not mean that all girls are wrong.

But according to my research order, all the girls are the same. Let me tell you how I got the result.
Before becoming a software engineer, I used to do small hacking work, then I used to hack accounts, so I got 100% girls like this, even 1 girl was not found right. Then I thought of leaving that job and becoming a software engineer.

In 6-7 years now I think this girl is right. Because it is a very big time but it also turned out like this.

Everyone knows how many girls I can punish for this mistake of hers but I don’t want to be bad. If you use the power in the right way, then it is okay, otherwise, a lot can be spoiled.

Final words

I cannot change what has happened now and everyone says that with time everyone forgets.

But I had left him for 2 years, then I did not forget, so what will I forget now, but now I have to live like this.